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Week 2: Clarity of Rules: A Perspective on Positive Rules and Saying “No”

Monday, September 02, 2019

Week 2 – Tip for Parents

In last week’s Nurtured Heart Approach® (NHA) to school transitions tips, we focused on “Active Recognitions”; steps a child may be taking to follow a rule or expectation. By giving an active recognition, we are giving energy to what is going right, despite not all things going exactly as planned.

Example: “Keith, I notice you’re getting frustrated with your homework assignment, and you’re sitting in your chair doing your best to figure it out. I know this may be making you upset and I see you handling your feelings and self-control well.”

Week 2: Clarity of Rules: A perspective on positive rules and saying “no”

The reality is that a child can choose to break a rule at any given moment. If you’ve been dealing with an “intense” or difficult child, you know this all too well. Every time a child does not break a rule, this is a choice! A choice for which the child can be given credit.

Many traditional “positive parenting” approaches encourage rules to be stated in a positive perspective; “Be respectful”. Yet, the problem with positive rules is they are not entirely clear. What are the behaviors expected in your house that equal respect? “No hitting”? “No interrupting others”? “No swearing”?

These parenting approaches also encouraged parents to say “no” as little as possible. When appropriately used to create clear expectations, the word “no” is highly valuable within the Nurtured Heart Approach, especially for kids who frequently push the limits. Without a calm and grounded “no” there can be no real “yes!”

Give it a Try! This week take time with your child to clearly define the rules expected in your home.
    

If you missed the prior week's tip:

Week 1: Smoothing Transitions Back to School using the Nurtured Heart Approach